My Boys

When we first found out I had cancer, we had to decide how and what we were going to tell the boys. There were many books that were suggested and websites to check out. We were lucky, the boys at 3 and 1 were so young they really only needed to know how it would effect them at that moment. They weren't old enough to fear that mommy wouldn't get better or wouldn't make it through. They weren't old enough to feel like everyone in their life would get sick.

I posted previously their reactions to my loss of hair, but here are their reactions to my surgery.

Jack (upon seeing me getting into the shower): "Why is that one so big? (pointing to my remaining breast)" No concern with the fact that I had a 6 inch T shaped scar and two drains coming out of my chest.

Sam: "Up" "I can't pick you up, but I can hold your hand" "OH" (takes hold of my hand) He is getting to be such a big boy.

And how lucky am I, that the other boy in my life reiterates after each step in this process how beautiful, strong and amazing he thinks I am. His card after surgery brought me to tears when he said he could only hope to be just like me. What a compliment!

Thank you Amber Felts and Shoops Shutter Photography for capturing some amazing pictures of us prior to surgery. Check out the sneak peek HERE.

A Success

I am absolutely amazed at how successful this surgery was. It was definitely the combination of so many people helping, praying and the artful hands of an incredible surgeon. We left our house at 5:30am and checked in to the hospital just before six. Keith waited for the boys to wake up and surprised them with pancakes before taking them to preschool. After checking in, I was moved to pre-op where I was prepped for surgery. This included 2 hours of waiting and repeating to every doctor, nurse and anesthesiologist which side we were operating on. My surgeon even signed my chest on the correct side. Brian said, "I thought only rock stars get to sign boobs, so today you are the rock star". I went in around 8:30am.I woke up in the recovery room at about 10:20 am and actually had the same nurse I had back in October. I woke up easily and we chatted about our kids and school. Brian, my mom, Adam and Baby Tyler were able to come in shortly, but then had to leave the small area. I was still a little groggy and slept on and off and managed to steal my phone from Brian to text updates to a few people. The hospital was very full so we had to wait for a room to be cleaned. My nurse really wanted to get me into a single room, so we waited. She eased me into eating with ice chips and then grape popsicles (which at that point tasted like heaven). The recovery room wasn't used to having people in there for a prolonged period of time so when my appetite came back I had saltines and graham crackers, which didn't bode well for my already dry mouth.

They finally had a single room available at we headed off at about 3:30 pm. I was greeted with visitors and was feeling great. The surgeon had told me that the recovery process would be easy, but I wasn't really sure what to expect. I had a pain pill at 10:30 am when I got out of surgery and didn't have one until the next morning. I kept asking if I was still feeling good because of the anesthesia, but the nurses assured me that the drugs had worn off long ago. There was a little tightness across the bandage area, but other than that I was able to move my arm and enjoy my visitors.

Brian brought the boys in for a quick visit. Sam didn't skip a beat and climbed up to share ice cubes and cuddle. Jack was a little more apprehensive and hid in Brian's legs for awhile. My mom surprised him with a doctor's kit that she said the doctor sent to him and then he started getting a little more excited. He was giving us shots and wanted to know why he couldn't spend the night with us. My pain level was still really low, but I was feeling a little nauseous. I had tried to drink a smoothie and it didn't sit well. I took an anti-nausea medication and got a little sick before it kicked in. Luckily Nurse Sarah was there to tend to her patient :-) we didn't even call the real nurse in. After the medication kicked in, I was able to eat some amazing won ton soup that Alex brought and enjoyed visiting until about 8pm.

Brian and I quickly fell asleep, but it true hospital style were woken up every 2 hours to beeping IV lines. Surprisingly, we woke up in the morning feeling rested and my mom brought coffee and breakfast sandwiches. The surgeon's assistant made rounds in the morning and described in more detail the surgery. They ended up doing a T incision where they removed a football shaped piece of skin from the front of my chest. They sutured from the inside to the outside and when they got to the the middle he pulled the excess skin from under the arm in to meet the other making a sideways T. This will help in lessening the chance of lymphodema. I am at a high risk for lymphodema-permanent arm swelling :-( so I need to take measures to prevent this. I am already doing small exercises and keeping my arm elevated. We were instructed on how to clean the two drains that come out of the incision and then were ready to

be released.

We left the hospital at 11:30 just a little over 24 hours after coming out of surgery. I was feeling good and very excited to get home to the comfort of my bed and couch :-)

An Ode

When I was 10, I wondered if they would grow.

When I was 12, I hid them in junior high dressing rooms.

When I was 14, I discovered bikinis.

When I was 16, I discovered Victoria's Secret Miracle Bra.

When I was 18, I found ways to show them off.

When I was 29, they fed my children.

When I was 32, they almost killed me!

(I know time to get rid of them!)

They have brought me happiness, worry, pleasure, pain and tomorrow I say goodbye to one of them!! It is the best chance of the cancer never returning and this is the ultimate goal.

Surgery starts at 8am. I have to be there at 5:50 am. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I will try to update this once I am in recovery.

Radical and Modified

I knew the battle was not over. After seeing the scans, I knew there were two options for surgery:

Lumpectomy: Remove the one remaining tumor

Mastectomy: Remove the entire breast

Of course upon hearing the news that the tumors were down to one, I was thinking a lumpectomy was a possibility now. It's nice to have an RN as a best friend because of course we ran through all the scenarios. Although a lumpectomy was now a possibility, she wanted me to be sure to get the surgeon's opinion on a mastectomy in my situation. What stuck with me is that she said in all of her studies she always told herself that if it happened to her she would want all possibility of it returning gone. So, I went into my surgeon's meeting knowing that mastectomy was on the table.

The surgeon came and confidently announced that upon reviewing my charts and history that a mastectomy was his recommendation. His reasoning:

1. My cancer was stage three and in three lymph node areas. It was aggressive and the treatment should be that as well.

2. He would entertain the idea of a lumpectomy if I insisted, but this would not be his recommendation. It would require me to do multiple follow ups because the chance of reoccurrence would be high.

3. He said that in some cases mastectomy and lumpectomy had equal levels of reoccurrence. In my case, not SO!

Deep Breath, but how can you argue with confidence that the battle you've been fighting will soon be over and be far less likely to return. It wasn't a question. I was in!

Then we moved on the particulars. It would be a modified radical mastectomy. The surgeon described the surgery as an oldie but a goodie. They will remove my breast and the lymph nodes under my arm.

My mom: What support will she need during recovery?

Surgeon: This will be easy compared to what she has been through with chemo.

Brian, My Mom and I: (Laughing)

Surgeon: So you are saying she rocked chemo.

Brian: Yes

The surgery won't touch muscle so I am told that as far as surgeries go it will be an easy recovery. It is 2-3 hours and I will spend one night in the hospital. I will need to be moving my arm before I leave. I won't be able to lift the boys for awhile, but we can cuddle :-) and he said I wouldn't be able to clean (lucky I'm married to Brian).

I will need to follow up surgery with radiation so I won't qualify for immediate reconstruction. It will be about a year before I can start that process.

It has been a whirlwind.

Am I sad? Not really

Am I nervous? A little

Am I ready to be one step closer to an end? For sure

And Then There Was One!!!!

I had my sixth full chemo treatment on February 10, 2012. This concluded the first part of the treatment plan. I was excited to be done with the 2 1/2 hour treatments once every three weeks, but I was most excited to see the effects the drugs had had on the CANCER!!!!

The breast ultrasound was the test that finally discovered the 4 tumors originally so that was the starting point. We went in for the ultrasound and actually had the same tech we had back in October. She is a breast cancer survivor and was so personable. She quietly scanned the area and then got up to go check the results with the radiologist. She came back to share with us that out of the four tumors she could only find 1!!!! She also said that the underarm lymph nodes that they could identify before had no signs of cancer.

Wow! 1!

Excitement!

Relief!

Confirmation for all the hard work!

But.......what did that mean?

I knew going into my treatment plan that there were three steps in treatment of my type of breast cancer (and its' stage). The usual treatment plan is surgery (to remove tumors), chemo (to treat the entire body), and radiation (to clean up the area). I was young, had no family history, and the cancer was stage 3. The doctor felt that starting with surgery would give the cancer time to spread (something that we couldn't have). So the chemo and the surgery were flip flopped in my case. Dr. Sadar reminded me that even in the best case scenario there would be surgery.

So the next question....... what type?