It's Kinda Like.........Starbucks

I know, I know it's a bad analogy.

People keep asking me what radiation is like.  Each day I sit there thinking what can I compare it to and all I keep thinking about is.......Starbucks.

I think when they designed the beautiful Kaiser Radiation Oncology Center they were hoping you would say it's like a spa.  It is decorated in wood and glass (very zen).  There are men's and women's dressing rooms with lockers, waiting rooms and gowns to change into.  I want to think my daily appointment is like a trip to the spa, but I still can't take my mind off of the fact that the 5 minute radiation treatment is far less like a massage, pedicure, or hairdo and far more like getting a cup of coffee.

Why radiation is like Starbucks:

You go there almost everyday.

You're in and out.  I can be back to my car in 11 minutes (yes I change fast :-).

Once you've been there consistently for about a week, they know your name.

They know your name, but the experience is so quick they don't know much else about you.

You see some of the same people everyday and you say hello, but not much more than that.

Timing

Why is it when something big is coming up in life, you decide to take on the most interesting of projects?

When I was pregnant with Jack, we decided to replace all of our flooring and paint the entire house.
When I was pregnant with Sam, I started a new program at Visions from the ground up (curriculum writing, recruiting, designing).
When I was diagnosed with cancer, we had contractors in remodeling the master bathroom.

Timing is interesting! The weekend before I started radiation we decided to remodel a little corner of our yard.  After remodeling the bathroom, we were left with a large planter box that used to hold a fenced off atrium that our bathroom window looked out onto. We tore the fence enclosure down and the planter box was too awkward to just replace with plants.  Brian voted for a fountain and we started to price them out.  I really wanted to make it a special corner for the boys.  I envisioned a Bev Bos (an early childhood guru) inspired play area, but was having trouble getting Brian to see my vision.  Thanks to Pinterest, I started a Kids Backyard board and was able to show him the ideas that until then had just been in my mind.  He was on board and we got to work gathering supplies.

We spent the entire weekend before starting radiation in the backyard creating the play area.  We got an old tractor tire from Fair Oaks Water District and made it into a sandbox.  We attached IKEA baskets to the wall to create space for sand toys.  We made a plexiglass framed easel for the boys to paint directly on.  We also attached rain gutters to the wall for ball and water play.  It turned out AMAZING and the boys love it.  It is the perfect area because it is the one part of our yard that is shaded from 4-6 which makes for great after school play.  Brian was even thankful I pushed him this direction once he was able to see the vision come to life :-)   Oh yes, there will always be a preschool teacher in me :-)

All Tatted Up :-)

Yes, you read it right........I got my first tattoo.

Actually to be completely honest, I got my first four tattoos.

No, it isn't a butterfly, or my hubby's initials or my children's names.  It is four small freckle sized dots.

A part of preparation for radiation is to get small tattoos so that each day you are lined up in the exact same position on the machine.

I'm sure other people have much more exciting stories of their first tattoos-freshman year in college, crazy night in Vegas, with a bunch of friends or planned and debated for months and months.  I definitely didn't think that my first tattoo would be given by the radiation nurse at Kaiser, but again it's part of the process.

A start to the last unknown part of the process......radiation.

5 weeks of daily treatment.  As my doctor put it, "Your lungs can take six weeks of radiation so we will stop you at 5".  It will be a 5 minute treatment where radiation will enter my body in three different passes.

The possible side effects are mostly topical (burned skin, blisters, tightening of skin) and fatigue.

I will treat my skin daily with aloe and hydrocortisone and hope that my skin that typically doesn't sunburn will lend itself well to this process.  I have to use mild soap, natural deodorant, and shave sparingly (so if I smell it's not my fault :-).

I took solace in the fact that I start treatment April 30 and end June 1st.  It makes it seem nicer to wrap radiation up in the month of May.  I will be able to start summer break on the home stretch of breast cancer treatment-just one last chemo drug once every three weeks until October.  

Great Food=New Gym

From the moment that I was diagnosed, our house has been flooded with amazing meals from family and friends.  Sarah set up the Meal Train and we received over 60 meals delivered to our house.  People were amazing and the meals were incredible.   Everyone went above and beyond.  They came with homemade dressings, warm bread, tortillas, and.......... dessert.  They kept us nourished.  They kept us going.  They are one of the reasons we moved so easily through this trying time.

Fast forward to present day.  I have had to tell Jack that he doesn't get a visitor every evening at 5 and dessert DOES not come with every meal.  

We were spoiled.  

We indulged.  

We rejoined the gym (ha ha ha).

I have always enjoyed working out (it compliments loving good food).  I had just completed a half marathon when I was diagnosed, but starting treatment left me void of energy and working out was the first thing go.  So once I had the green light from the surgeon, I investigated the gyms in my area.  I was intrigued with the new $10/month gyms and joined Planet Fitness on Sunrise. I was gung-hu that 4 weeks after surgery I would be able to be back in the gym.

Enter in new problem...... dressing for the gym.

In my day to day life, I have hats, sweatshirts, and a new prosthesis.  At the gym, it's just me.  No hair, no boob, nowhere to hide.  The first few days I wore my hat, but it was just too hot.  So I had to get brave!

Brian asked, "Do you think people are looking at you?"

I said, "Of course, everyone looks at everyone at the gym."

So, I now have a newfound admiration of those that get to the gym when it's not easy.  The 80 year old woman completing the circuit class.  The very overweight teenager who got dressed and came to the gym even though it may have been easier to stay at home.  The man in a wheelchair lifting arm weights.

So I go, I am sure people wonder and if they are brave enough to ask I will tell them!  For now, it's lots of cardio and a few weights to get back at it :-)

One Month Post Surgery

When we first met with the surgeon, my mom asked what we should prepare for in regards to recovery.  He said that recovery would be, "a whole lot easier than what I had been through with chemo".  We were skeptical.  How could you remove a piece of my body and just bounce back?  I had surgery on March 15 and on April 15th we were finally able to celebrate Brian's birthday at the Tomales Bay Oyster Company.  On this gorgeous April day, I sat surrounded by family and our closest friends reflecting on the fact that one month prior I was sitting in a hospital bed. I never expected that I would be here.

Brian and I discovered the Tomales Bay Oyster company on our 10th anniversary trip last June.  The TBOC offers oysters, clams and mussels for sale along with about 5 other items (briquets, lemons, and sauce).  There are picnic tables with BBQs for you to bring a picnic and enjoy your day.  We knew from the first time we visited here that we needed to bring a group of family and friends.  We had to reschedule once for rain, but it ended up being a PERFECT day.  Everyone brought a salad or snack to share and Brian brought 3 sauces to dress the oysters.  We had BBQ oysters, sweet chili oysters and a mignonette for raw oyster shooters.  

Along with the 18 adults, we had 8 children under the age of 10 which you know can be disastrous at a party.  These kids played so well together.  They made sand castles, collected shells and played in the water.  Of course, Chase was the first to take a full body dive into the water and have to change into dry clothes.  The tide went out quite a bit from the time we got there so the children began to explore further and further down the beach.  Our second minor casualty came when Jack went face first into the mud about 50 yards out.  After much encouragement, it was obvious that he wasn't getting up on his own.  I started to walk out into the mud to help him when I quickly realized the mud was very sticky and my shoes were getting stuck.  We were all laughing at the point and Jack still hadn't moved from face first in the mud.  Brian came to the rescue, sacrificing his sandals and saved the day.  When he reached Jack, we heard a round of applause, not just from our group but the entire crowd was watching this ordeal.  Quite embarrassing, but a great memory!!

Everyone agreed that this was definitely the First Annual Tomales Bay Oyster day, it was quite a success!!!

  

One Less Battle To Fight

When I was first diagnosed, I was immediately referred to the genetics department to be tested for any mutations on the two known Breast Cancer genes-BRCA1 and BRCA2. These two genes belong to a class of tumor suppressor genes. A mutation on either gene has been linked to both hereditary breast cancer and ovarian cancer. The genetics counselor explained to me (early on) that when a woman is diagnosed at a young age there is a high likelihood that the mutation may be present. Most woman diagnosed with breast cancer are in late adulthood. The thought is that when a person is diagnosed early the suppressor genes may have had mutations and weren't able to do their job to stop the tumor growth. So, in a person without mutations they may have been able to fight off tumor growth in their 30's, 40's etc. without ever knowing it. The next step in the process was to send my blood samples off to Utah. There is one lab in the entire United States testing for these mutations (can we say monopoly?). If I was found to havethese mutations, the breast cancer would be considered hereditary and would put me at an extremely high risk of also getting ovarian cancer. The doctor described that most woman who test positive for the mutation will also get a hysterectomy.

I was given all of this information just after diagnosis and right before starting my chemo battle. Hearing that at 32 not only was I facing breast cancer, but also a possible hysterectomy was a little too much for me at the time. I put it on the back burner because the results would not influence the oncologist's plan for treatment. Once I finished chemo, I went ahead and followed through and sent my blood to Utah. With my medical luck the last year part of me thought the results would come back positive and this would be another battle to fight.

On the morning of surgery I received a call and email that the results had come back........

I tested negative for both gene mutations.

This doesn't give us an answer to "WHY" I got breast cancer so young, but it does eliminate the need for a hysterectomy. Although, we don't know if we are done having children it doesn't close that door completely. It also doesn't put the woman in my family tree (cousins, aunts, grandparents) in the position where they have to decide whether to get tested. If I was positive, the woman in my family would have the ability to be tested to see if they carried the gene mutation as well. This is an issue you may have seen in the media lately the quandary of whether or not you would want to know if you are more likely to get cancer.

Regardless, it is NEGATIVE. This is one battle that stops here! Woo Hoo!

My Boys

When we first found out I had cancer, we had to decide how and what we were going to tell the boys. There were many books that were suggested and websites to check out. We were lucky, the boys at 3 and 1 were so young they really only needed to know how it would effect them at that moment. They weren't old enough to fear that mommy wouldn't get better or wouldn't make it through. They weren't old enough to feel like everyone in their life would get sick.

I posted previously their reactions to my loss of hair, but here are their reactions to my surgery.

Jack (upon seeing me getting into the shower): "Why is that one so big? (pointing to my remaining breast)" No concern with the fact that I had a 6 inch T shaped scar and two drains coming out of my chest.

Sam: "Up" "I can't pick you up, but I can hold your hand" "OH" (takes hold of my hand) He is getting to be such a big boy.

And how lucky am I, that the other boy in my life reiterates after each step in this process how beautiful, strong and amazing he thinks I am. His card after surgery brought me to tears when he said he could only hope to be just like me. What a compliment!

Thank you Amber Felts and Shoops Shutter Photography for capturing some amazing pictures of us prior to surgery. Check out the sneak peek HERE.

A Success

I am absolutely amazed at how successful this surgery was. It was definitely the combination of so many people helping, praying and the artful hands of an incredible surgeon. We left our house at 5:30am and checked in to the hospital just before six. Keith waited for the boys to wake up and surprised them with pancakes before taking them to preschool. After checking in, I was moved to pre-op where I was prepped for surgery. This included 2 hours of waiting and repeating to every doctor, nurse and anesthesiologist which side we were operating on. My surgeon even signed my chest on the correct side. Brian said, "I thought only rock stars get to sign boobs, so today you are the rock star". I went in around 8:30am.I woke up in the recovery room at about 10:20 am and actually had the same nurse I had back in October. I woke up easily and we chatted about our kids and school. Brian, my mom, Adam and Baby Tyler were able to come in shortly, but then had to leave the small area. I was still a little groggy and slept on and off and managed to steal my phone from Brian to text updates to a few people. The hospital was very full so we had to wait for a room to be cleaned. My nurse really wanted to get me into a single room, so we waited. She eased me into eating with ice chips and then grape popsicles (which at that point tasted like heaven). The recovery room wasn't used to having people in there for a prolonged period of time so when my appetite came back I had saltines and graham crackers, which didn't bode well for my already dry mouth.

They finally had a single room available at we headed off at about 3:30 pm. I was greeted with visitors and was feeling great. The surgeon had told me that the recovery process would be easy, but I wasn't really sure what to expect. I had a pain pill at 10:30 am when I got out of surgery and didn't have one until the next morning. I kept asking if I was still feeling good because of the anesthesia, but the nurses assured me that the drugs had worn off long ago. There was a little tightness across the bandage area, but other than that I was able to move my arm and enjoy my visitors.

Brian brought the boys in for a quick visit. Sam didn't skip a beat and climbed up to share ice cubes and cuddle. Jack was a little more apprehensive and hid in Brian's legs for awhile. My mom surprised him with a doctor's kit that she said the doctor sent to him and then he started getting a little more excited. He was giving us shots and wanted to know why he couldn't spend the night with us. My pain level was still really low, but I was feeling a little nauseous. I had tried to drink a smoothie and it didn't sit well. I took an anti-nausea medication and got a little sick before it kicked in. Luckily Nurse Sarah was there to tend to her patient :-) we didn't even call the real nurse in. After the medication kicked in, I was able to eat some amazing won ton soup that Alex brought and enjoyed visiting until about 8pm.

Brian and I quickly fell asleep, but it true hospital style were woken up every 2 hours to beeping IV lines. Surprisingly, we woke up in the morning feeling rested and my mom brought coffee and breakfast sandwiches. The surgeon's assistant made rounds in the morning and described in more detail the surgery. They ended up doing a T incision where they removed a football shaped piece of skin from the front of my chest. They sutured from the inside to the outside and when they got to the the middle he pulled the excess skin from under the arm in to meet the other making a sideways T. This will help in lessening the chance of lymphodema. I am at a high risk for lymphodema-permanent arm swelling :-( so I need to take measures to prevent this. I am already doing small exercises and keeping my arm elevated. We were instructed on how to clean the two drains that come out of the incision and then were ready to

be released.

We left the hospital at 11:30 just a little over 24 hours after coming out of surgery. I was feeling good and very excited to get home to the comfort of my bed and couch :-)

An Ode

When I was 10, I wondered if they would grow.

When I was 12, I hid them in junior high dressing rooms.

When I was 14, I discovered bikinis.

When I was 16, I discovered Victoria's Secret Miracle Bra.

When I was 18, I found ways to show them off.

When I was 29, they fed my children.

When I was 32, they almost killed me!

(I know time to get rid of them!)

They have brought me happiness, worry, pleasure, pain and tomorrow I say goodbye to one of them!! It is the best chance of the cancer never returning and this is the ultimate goal.

Surgery starts at 8am. I have to be there at 5:50 am. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I will try to update this once I am in recovery.

Radical and Modified

I knew the battle was not over. After seeing the scans, I knew there were two options for surgery:

Lumpectomy: Remove the one remaining tumor

Mastectomy: Remove the entire breast

Of course upon hearing the news that the tumors were down to one, I was thinking a lumpectomy was a possibility now. It's nice to have an RN as a best friend because of course we ran through all the scenarios. Although a lumpectomy was now a possibility, she wanted me to be sure to get the surgeon's opinion on a mastectomy in my situation. What stuck with me is that she said in all of her studies she always told herself that if it happened to her she would want all possibility of it returning gone. So, I went into my surgeon's meeting knowing that mastectomy was on the table.

The surgeon came and confidently announced that upon reviewing my charts and history that a mastectomy was his recommendation. His reasoning:

1. My cancer was stage three and in three lymph node areas. It was aggressive and the treatment should be that as well.

2. He would entertain the idea of a lumpectomy if I insisted, but this would not be his recommendation. It would require me to do multiple follow ups because the chance of reoccurrence would be high.

3. He said that in some cases mastectomy and lumpectomy had equal levels of reoccurrence. In my case, not SO!

Deep Breath, but how can you argue with confidence that the battle you've been fighting will soon be over and be far less likely to return. It wasn't a question. I was in!

Then we moved on the particulars. It would be a modified radical mastectomy. The surgeon described the surgery as an oldie but a goodie. They will remove my breast and the lymph nodes under my arm.

My mom: What support will she need during recovery?

Surgeon: This will be easy compared to what she has been through with chemo.

Brian, My Mom and I: (Laughing)

Surgeon: So you are saying she rocked chemo.

Brian: Yes

The surgery won't touch muscle so I am told that as far as surgeries go it will be an easy recovery. It is 2-3 hours and I will spend one night in the hospital. I will need to be moving my arm before I leave. I won't be able to lift the boys for awhile, but we can cuddle :-) and he said I wouldn't be able to clean (lucky I'm married to Brian).

I will need to follow up surgery with radiation so I won't qualify for immediate reconstruction. It will be about a year before I can start that process.

It has been a whirlwind.

Am I sad? Not really

Am I nervous? A little

Am I ready to be one step closer to an end? For sure

And Then There Was One!!!!

I had my sixth full chemo treatment on February 10, 2012. This concluded the first part of the treatment plan. I was excited to be done with the 2 1/2 hour treatments once every three weeks, but I was most excited to see the effects the drugs had had on the CANCER!!!!

The breast ultrasound was the test that finally discovered the 4 tumors originally so that was the starting point. We went in for the ultrasound and actually had the same tech we had back in October. She is a breast cancer survivor and was so personable. She quietly scanned the area and then got up to go check the results with the radiologist. She came back to share with us that out of the four tumors she could only find 1!!!! She also said that the underarm lymph nodes that they could identify before had no signs of cancer.

Wow! 1!

Excitement!

Relief!

Confirmation for all the hard work!

But.......what did that mean?

I knew going into my treatment plan that there were three steps in treatment of my type of breast cancer (and its' stage). The usual treatment plan is surgery (to remove tumors), chemo (to treat the entire body), and radiation (to clean up the area). I was young, had no family history, and the cancer was stage 3. The doctor felt that starting with surgery would give the cancer time to spread (something that we couldn't have). So the chemo and the surgery were flip flopped in my case. Dr. Sadar reminded me that even in the best case scenario there would be surgery.

So the next question....... what type?

Who Loves You?

On Sunday, February 12th my Dad passed away. To say that our family has been faced with a lot in the past year would be an understatement. Thank you to everyone who gathered around to support our family. We celebrated his life on Saturday and it was amazing to see what an impact he had on everyone around him. Here is what I shared with those that were there:

My Dad wasn’t going to conform, lived life in the moment and I know he did up until his very last. He was always telling us “Dare to be different”.

Dad was so artistic and found beauty and inspiration in everything. A hunk of concrete became a work of art. An old wine barrell became a depiction of my life. A roll of wire could be anything-cars, flowers, trees, hearts.

He was thoughtful. If you were going through a rough patch you’d expect a hand drawn depiction of your situation in colored pencils to be in your mailbox soon.

He would do anything for others, and I am sure has been a part of patios for half of the people here. You couldn’t go by a bridge, a parking lot, the new mall or a neighborhood without Dad announcing “Guess Who Poured That”

He was always interested in what was going on in your life and you might remember him saying “Tell Me A Story” and this wasn’t limited to those he knew. This true interest in people’s lives had him making connections all over Sacramento and the bay area.

He grew up in a family of 11 so “Keep the Peace” became a favorite way to diffuse potential situations and something to leave your friends with in parting.

With the incessant questioning of three kids each 18 months apart that all like to talk, he was often “off to find a crutch for a lame duck” and upon taking 30-16 years olds camping he was ”blind in one eye and couldn’t see out of the other”.

When he dropped us off at school, any sporting event, and all through my treatments: Fight Hard You’ll Win it’s actually been my personal motto the last 6 months and can be seen on many pink bands out there.

And most recently he was an incredible Grandpa. Jack and Sam loved their Papa John and the fact that when he had no inhibitions. Want to build a fort, let’s go! Want to play with the hose in December, let’s do it! Want to move the sand across the yard with the cement mixer, I’m in! Doritos and sunflower seeds for lunch, perfect!

One thing is FOR SURE you knew my Dad loved you. He never left a meeting or phone call without saying it and just when he wanted to check to be sure, he’d call out……WHO LOVES YOU!!!!

A Positive Outlook and a Poison Warning

I had my last pre-chemo meeting with my oncologist yesterday and we all left (Mom, Brian and I) feeling optimistic. I appreciate how my doctor jokes with us and really focuses on moving forward with a positive outlook. We don't talk worst case scenario ever. I will sit through my last full chemo treatment this morning!! I can't believe it has been over 18 weeks. I knew it would go quick, but that is an understatement. Dr. Sadar scheduled my next steps with an MRI and an ultrasound in two weeks. This will give round 6 time to show any effects. Once these tests can be read, the surgeon will evaluate for the next step. Surgery, chemo and radiation are the standard of care in treating my type cancer so since we chose to do chemo first, surgery will be the next step.

Dr. Sadar told a story of a young woman he treated over the last 6 months and after her 6 treatments they went in to find it was ALL gone. That is the hope and has been the prayer of many, many people over the last months (family, friends, coworkers, and even students). When talking about the next steps this is what the doctor believes as well. We can only wait and see :-) One more treatment and as the nurse hangs the bags, Sarah will give it her chemo blessing...."Now do your job!"

He closed the appointment with some advice for Brian:

Dr. Sadar: "Brian if you are ever trying to get rid of Danielle, poison would not be the choice. She takes poison really well :-)"

Round 5: A Blur

Sorry for the lack of update, but it's been a whirlwind round 5. I had my fifth round of chemo on a rainy Friday afternoon. I promised myself I wouldn't make those afternoon appointments and I was reminded why. It took forever to get called back because the nurses were returning from lunch break. There are two chemo chair set ups, one is in a semi-private area with halfwalls and enough room for visitors and another almost in the walkway. You guessed it......... we got the walkway seat! My veins were cooperative and my nurse was able to get my IV in fairly quickly (as my treatment has continued my veins have gotten less and less cooperative). It did feel a little odd though and she must have noticed because she left it uncovered (not wrapped in tape like usual).

My first drug (and the strongest) went in fine. During administration of the second drug, I noticed the IV site getting red, followed quickly by three bubbles. I didn't see my nurse, but yelled the name of the one nurse I knew (a fellow BV High School grad) who immediately came over and crimped the line. The IV had infiltrated, meaning that the medicine was no longer going into my vein. I was lucky because she had left it uncovered I caught it early. They said that depending on the drug it can actually burn your skin and they have seen cases that require immediate skin graphs. I was only left with a mighty fine bruise.......that still remains three weeks later.

The rest of the treatment went fine and we closed down the treatment center since we were then running a half hour behind. There was only one nurse and the nurse manager left :-) I was a little worried that the adverse reaction might give me a little trouble in my recovery. The side effects seemed to be the same, queasy stomach the first few days and exhaustion. I have noticed that the bottoms of my feet are tingly, a cumulative effect that we were warned about. Other than that, the three weeks have flown by!

Confession: I Don't Take Notes

I don't take notes in my doctor's appointments (it drives my family nuts), but you can ask me what my doctor said 3 months ago and I can tell you. It may or not be my coping strategy :-)

I don't balance my checkbook.

If it wasn't for the iPhone, I probably wouldn't keep a calendar.

Sometimes, I take meetings in staff development to stave myself from boredom (but throw them away when I leave).

I hate paper and I know that there is always somewhere I can find the information again.

I like putting it all in my mind and keeping it there.

It suits me well. It keeps me sane. I do envy those with great to do lists, detailed calendars, and cute journals (but it's just not my style :-).

I am glad I am blogging, because it is a chronicle of my story. I can look back and see what the details were as I remembered them at the time :-) and I don't feel overwhelmed with paper!!!

Round 4: A Long Process

What better way to say Goodbye to 2011 then with chemo, right? I had my fourth chemo treatment on December 30th. We had a busy, busy week between Christmas and New Years so it was madness right up to it. Even the Oncology Department was crazy, their normal 5 day week was shortened so they were 30 minutes late in getting me back. My first nurse had trouble finding a vein that wanted to cooperate. She poked and prodded and then left to get another needle. Sarah and I considered having her start my IV, but thought that might be hard to explain when the nurse returned. As luck would have it, she had to take her lunch and nurse #2 had no trouble finding a cooperative vein. Everything else went off without a hitch, Brian, Sarah and I played on Sarah's new iPad. Adam stopped by for a visit and the time went by very quickly. My boys were getting spoiled rotten by Aunt Debbie, Uncle Steve and their cousins so Brian and I were even able to go to lunch on our way home.

For the three days surrounding chemo, I have a regiment of 3 different drugs that help lessen the effects of the chemo drugs (specifically the Taxotere). I am not the best patient in regards to medicine and even hate taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen so these days I tend to feel queasy. The best I can equate the feeling to is those first months being pregnant, the feeling of not knowing if you should eat or not eat to make you feel better. As soon as I am off the medication, this feeling subsides which is nice.

This round has been interesting. I have been tired, sleepy tired and feeling a little tired about the process. When I started chemo, I thought to myself.....6 rounds, I can do anything 6 times. I was focused on the task at hand and at that point couldn't really look at what the next step was going to be. I am almost done (Feb. 10th will be 6 of 6) but now I am feeling like I will just be back to the unknown. The stage of my cancer, the lymph nodes associated with it, and my age all led to our decision to start chemo prior to any surgery. We didn't want to give the cancer any time to spread while I healed from surgery. The hope is that the cancer will be responsive to this aggressive chemo and when we went to look for it again it will be gone. So, I wait. Two more rounds and then more scans to see how it has responded. I expected that there would be a point in the process where it just felt LONG and it does!!!